Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Wow, what a ride! Whose idea was it to take full time classes, again? Oh right. My brilliant idea. I should have my head examined. Oh wait! I did! And I have the pills to prove it. Ha.

I finally feel like I might be finding a rhythm. Last week was the first week I really started to enjoy Mac, too. I don't know if it is the pills, or the consistent sleep, or just that I'm getting used to this whole motherhood thing, but I really am finally falling in love with my child. And it feels really good to say that. He's also found his rhythm, which right now includes quite a lot of sleep.

I'm also falling in love with my program, Nursing. I attended a weekend workshop up in Saskatoon and was pleasantly surprised to find that my classmates are intelligent, witty, mature and frankly, fun. The instructor is also a really great guy, a Psychiatric nurse by trade. Thinking that these could be my future colleagues makes me feel like I made a good decision, regardless of how challenging it's going to be to get there.

So, in the spirit of all good things, here is some grace in small things:

1. My in-laws, who met us in Saskatoon and spoiled their grandchild to bits.
2. Our new camera! Love-love-love it. Also thanks to the in-laws.
3. Good television is back. House, Dexter, Amazing Race, Dollhouse.
4. Crisp autumn air.
5. Clean sheets.

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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Marital Conversations

WORKING: He's much happier now that he took a big dump.
TREV: That's how I feel when I do, too.

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GIST: Feelin' Better

Mac slept for 11 hours straight last night. I don't even know what to say, except thankyouthankyouthankyou!

So I'm feeling pretty damn terrific these days. I'm behind in my studies. Trying to cram biochemistry into my brain kind of hurts. But unlike previous weeks / months, I actually feel hopeful about everything. I'll find a way to make it through.

I'm also back at Crossfit, which hurts in a totally different way, a good way. My abs don't seem to have suffered any long term ill effects from the c-section, however my arms are about as strong as licorice strings. I've had to realize that I was pregnant for the majority of my Crossfit experience to date, so it's like I'm starting over, with my real body this time. It just needs time to build itself up.

Time to say grace:

1. Gazing at all my books on our new bookshelves.
2. Charlie running around the yard on her robo-knees. First time in months she hasn't limped!
3. Mac's little voice cooing and gurgling at me from across the room.
4. Morning smoothies and fresh coffee.
5. Getting to hand Mac over and go to CrossFit, thanks to Trevor.

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Monday, September 21, 2009


The anti-depressants make me nauseous, but I haven't experienced a low in over a week, so they might be working? Of course, we can pretty much count on Mac sleeping straight from 8PM to about 3AM, give or take an hour*. Consistent sleep sure helps.

1. The office is done! After a year, we can start unpacking our books! And sorting our bills (one task is slightly more exciting than the other).
2. Nutella on bread. Helps the medicine go down.
3. Trev's bed head. It's spectacular.
4. Mac's morning smiles.
5. Sunday brunch with the family, particularly when it's a birthday and there's cake involved.

* knockonwoodknockonwoodknockonwood

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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Dear Mac: Two Months Old

Two months ago tonight I was nearing the end of the marathon that was my labour and your birth. I can't believe it's been been only two months. I feel like I've aged 10 years, at least in experience alone.

And yet, on the other hand, holy cow, it's already been two months! You're definitely no longer a newborn. You're a baby, with round cheeks punctuated by dimples and huge blue eyes, and the cutest little pointy chin. You're still long and lean, but your ankles, thighs and arms are starting to show promise of roly-poly folds. I can't wait.

In other news:
  • You fell out of love with Lamp when we changed the bulb. You'd rather stare at Chimney, now.
  • You're outgrowing all of your 3-month clothes.
  • We finally started you on cloth diapers, resulting in a lot more laundry, but you seem happier. No more lobster bum.
  • You talk. Oh, do you ever. Goo's and gurgles and yells, especially when you think you're alone. We get such a kick out of it.
  • You still prefer to fall asleep swaddled up tight with your face buried into something - an armpit, a rolled up blanket, my boob - and no matter what we do, you insist on pulling any available covering over your head when you sleep.
  • While you hate getting your diaper changed, you love to be naked. I don't understand how you know the difference.
  • You have a lot of different cries, now. One of my favourites is the 'fake cry' when I pull you off the boob to burp. You doth protest! Loudly! With legs all stiff and back arched! I SHALL NOT BE BURPED!!
  • But my most favourite cry, and I hate to say this, is your 'scared cry'. It is the most dramatic, mouth turned down, lower lip quivering, puppy dog eyed, most pathetic cartoon sad face ever and it melts my heart (as I laugh at you).
  • Y0u are definitely an intense little boy. The way you stare and frown, brow creased with concentration. Your dad says you get it from me. Thank god there are times when you're all smiles, or I'd really worry.
  • But son, why do your best smiles take place in the dark at 3AM?
  • You're still so strong. You hold your head up by yourself, as you have always, only now you swivel it around to see what you want to see. You like watching water run from the bathroom tap.
  • You love being outside. If you're fussy, we just have to take you out out to the backyard.
  • You started potty training. Sort of. I've managed to catch two poops and a pee already this week. And by which, I mean I recognized the signs and rushed to hold you over the toilet. Heck, saves on laundry!
As I write this, I can hear you cooing in your sleep. I think it's time to join you. See you later for our usual 3AM nurse 'n cuddle.



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Monday, September 14, 2009


It's been awhile!

1. Triple chocolate bunt cake. I don't even like chocolate that much, but my sister's birthday cake may have converted me.
2. Seeing my new brother-in-law hold my new son.
3. Mac's face when he's just fallen asleep. I like to gaze at him when I go to bed because it makes me sleepy, too.
4. Thunder showers at night.
5. My nephew cuddling on Grandpa's lap after he got an owie.
6. Cold Guinness.
7. A nursing marathon while watching True Blood.
8. Mac's morning smiles.
9. Seeing Charlie put weight on her leg.
10. My other sister taking Mac this weekend. Trevor and got to catch our breaths, and we even went on a date!

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Saturday, September 12, 2009

A Husband's Interpretation

"It's almost like you could look at being a new mother like going into battle. Other moms are like the allies landing in Sicily. You know, it was hard but doable, and they had help. You're more like the Americans landing at Omaha Beach. Ugly battle, lots of bloodshed. But you're also gonna make it through. And remember, at least you're not the Canadians landing at Dieppe."

Too true.

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I Laugh, Cuz Otherwise I'd Cry

TREV: (to the cat and dog) Stop fighting! Quit it! If you knock over my coffee, I'm going to slap those full-body mustaches right off you!

* * *



So, so, so.

The epilepsy medication and Vitamin B6 seemed to be working. Not so painful, no vasospasms. But I was still using the shield, and the shield was causing irritation. Imagine rug burn and paper cuts on the tips of your nipples. Yeah. Believe it or not, still better than vasospasms.

"Time to take the shield off," said Dr. Boob. So I did, and I've been howling in pain every feeding since, and I couldn't sleep for vasospasms last night. In other words, nothing has changed and I'm on anti-seizure medication for no good reason.

Oh yeah, and I'm on anti-depressants now, too.

So... this is all getting hilariously pathetic. The all-natural-hippie-mom is evolving into the drugged up, formula feeding stress case. I just need the SUV and a latte to successfully transition from one cliche to the other.

I jest, I jest.

But still. This is depressing. Oh wait! I have a pill for that!

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Sunday, September 06, 2009


This feels a bit over the top now, but it's not a bad representation of what a c-section felt like at the time (click for larger image):

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Friday, September 04, 2009

Overheard: Daddy Talk

"Look at that face! I just want to eat that face! I'm going to puree your cheeks, sautee them with chickpeas and garlic, then I'm going to eat them. I'll call the dish "Mackus". (pause) Actually, that name doesn't make it sound very good."

* * *

"Are you looking at my computer? That's my mac. Mac, meet mac. No relation.

* * *

"I hate your sockies! I can never find your sockies. They're like your mom's sockies, lost all over the place, strange and alone..."

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Boob Update... Again

So apparently there is this other lactation expert in the city, this time an MD to boot. Let's call her Dr. Boob? She was good, I'd say maybe up there with Dr. Jack Newman kind of good, (though I've never met him). She wasn't going to see me until I mentioned vasospasms. Then I got right in.

The outcome: a high dose of Vitamin B6 to combat the probable Raynaud's Syndrome and, get this, an anti-convulsant to treat the nerve problem. I'm to be on Epilepsy medication. This is just getting plain weird.

And yet, I persist. If my labour and subsequent experiences have proven anything, it's that I'm a stubborn cuss. Hopefully that translates to Anatomy / Physiology courses, though right now I feel like giving up. I am on the verge of calling the school to quit.

But I probably won't. Not right now, anyway. Not until after I've had a nap.

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Thursday, September 03, 2009

Marital Conversations

TREV: Want some coffee?
WORKING: Oh God yes. I gotta finish pumping, too.
TREV: Oh crap.
TREV: I forgot to grind more coffee.
TREV: You pump, I'll grind.
WORKING: Pumping and grinding. Has a whole new meaning now, doesn't it?

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Tuesday, September 01, 2009


Man, what a weird day. Trev worked the night shift and Mac's middle-of-the-night wake up corresponded with his arrival home, so the entire family got to hang out (to the sound of a screaming infant) at three in the morning. He didn't sleep well last night and he didn't nap much today. He was cranky, to put it mildly. He's also nursed me dry.

Being the supermom that I am, I assumed it was a growth spurt, this so-called "cluster feeding". It took me all day to figure out that his poor bottom is the colour of a severe sunburn. So he got naked nap time and accordingly, he slept two hours straight. Screw it; I don't care if he pees and poops through every receiving blanket in this house. Baby Naked Time will be measured in hours, not minutes, from now on.

In other news, Kiwi-the-cat continues to run into walls. The mysterious laceration on his flank is all stitched up (did I tell you about that? I'm so tired, I can't remember what goes here and what goes on Facebook) and accordingly, he's confined to The Cone. There is nothing quite as pathetic as a cat wearing a cone. He falls asleep standing up because he can't figure out how to lie down with it. But every time I take it off (for the cat equivalent of naked time?), he goes after the stitches. And not just licking like the dog does, it's full-on biting and tearing. The stitches, they offend him!

By the way, if you're considering pet ownership, come to me. I'll show you our vet bills this year.

And in yet other news, I organized my study schedule for the fall and all I can say is... if it goes like today went, I might be screwed. There is so much material to cover, so much to memorize, especially for Anatomy / Physiology, and my brain is not exactly functioning at maximum power. This might have been a really, really bad idea.

So if posting gets sporadic, you'll know why.

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