Wednesday, September 23, 2009
GIST: Feelin' Better
Mac slept for 11 hours straight last night. I don't even know what to say, except thankyouthankyouthankyou!
So I'm feeling pretty damn terrific these days. I'm behind in my studies. Trying to cram biochemistry into my brain kind of hurts. But unlike previous weeks / months, I actually feel hopeful about everything. I'll find a way to make it through.
I'm also back at Crossfit, which hurts in a totally different way, a good way. My abs don't seem to have suffered any long term ill effects from the c-section, however my arms are about as strong as licorice strings. I've had to realize that I was pregnant for the majority of my Crossfit experience to date, so it's like I'm starting over, with my real body this time. It just needs time to build itself up.
Time to say grace:
1. Gazing at all my books on our new bookshelves.
2. Charlie running around the yard on her robo-knees. First time in months she hasn't limped!
3. Mac's little voice cooing and gurgling at me from across the room.
4. Morning smoothies and fresh coffee.
5. Getting to hand Mac over and go to CrossFit, thanks to Trevor.
Labels: Crossfit, GiST, Mac, Trevor
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Monday, August 17, 2009
GiST
Mac didn't sleep much last night. Of course I'm wondering what part of the equation I got wrong this time, but I'm going to try not to obsess. Thinking about shyte begets more shyte, and I'm sick of being in the shyte.
So in non-sleep related news, here is today's Grace in Small Things:
1. Trev has a gig for September / October! And it's interesting! Yay universe!
2. The dog is healing up nicely.
3. Kiwi likes to hang out beside me in the mornings when I'm feeding Mac.
4. I'm digging the first few pages of Anatomy / Physiology.
5. It's sunny today.
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Saturday, August 15, 2009
GiST
Today's Grace in Small Things:
1. Sleep
2. Sleep
3. Sleep
4. Sleep
5. Sleep
I woke up completely astonished to see 2:55 AM on the clock. Mac slept from 10 PM to 3 AM last night, giving me five hours of uninterrupted sleep for the first time since before I went into labour over a month ago.
I would love to say it's something we did but I'm smarter than that. It's the luck of the draw. There is no guarantee that tonight will go the same way. We have had some success in getting him to go back to sleep in the cradle. He fights it like mad, but he fought going to sleep in our arms, too. Seriously, he punches and kicks and screams and pinches and rips. It's always the same battle, we've just moved it to the crib. And he still falls asleep eventually.
I may not get another night like last night again, so I'm very grateful. It was a much appreciated treat and it does wonders for my state of mind.
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Sunday, August 09, 2009
GiST: Sister's Wedding Shower
1. Nancy's backyard. It's beautiful, resplendent with flowers and little fountains.
2. Serving teas for the shower. It was a good day when I got to shop at Cuppa T. I chose a Russian Caravan Black, a Tropical Fruit Rooibos, and a Strawberry Kiwi fruit tea.
3. It didn't rain.
4. Sonja seemed so happy with her gifts. Favorite one: Auntie Marilynne gave her an onion and a knife. She said during her years as a SAHM, she'd sometimes get so immersed in a book and suddenly realize it was 4PM and everyone was on their way home and she had nothing to show for the day. So she'd throw a chopped onion on the stove in some butter so at least it smelled like supper was being made, even if the final result had nothing to do with onions or butter.
5. Dozens of women passing around my son for the whole afternoon so I could keep the tea stocked.
6. Delicious curried chicken and two kinds of homemade pie for supper.
7. Trevor getting up with Mac this morning so I could catch an extra hour and a half of sleep.
Labels: GiST
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Thursday, August 06, 2009
GiST
Holy cow, you people have been though some serious parental trauma (see comments). I guess I knew parenthood would be tough. You always hear it's tough. I was ready for tough. But I didn't know it could be worse than tough, that it could be traumatic. That it can do psychological and physical damage.
I grew up in a large family, the oldest of five kids. I remember my parents being tired and fed up, but I have a whole new respect for what they must have gone through. Mom used to take off for walks that'd last hours and hours and now I think I know why. As a person with a history of depression, I probably should have been more aware, more prepared. But it was so easy to be focused on the labour. I really didn't want to think about this part.
That said, I still have so much to be grateful for:
1. The way Mac looks at me after a feeding, like he's thinking really hard. Bright blue eyes wide open and focused, slightly confused, but intrigued all the same, maybe?
2. The way he loves Lamp. Lamp is his best friend. Lamp is actually just a standing lamp beside the change table, but I get to pee because of Lamp, so I also love Lamp.
3. His soft, milky breath on my face when he's sleeping beside me.
4. Nipple shields. I don't care about the controversy; my kid is still breastfeeding when I was getting so close to quitting the whole thing.
5. Despite my dips into depression and major anxiety, I've also had moments of calm this week, possibly thanks to a return to Reflexology treatments and walks out in the fresh air.
6. The Baby Mac Weight Loss Program. No substitute for Crossfit, but not bad in the interim.
7. The thought that I'm actually going to return to Crossfit one day, hopefully in the not-too-distant future. Working out is primarily how I've managed my depression drug-free. I'd love to keep it that way.
8. I've also returned to baths the way they're meant to be - hot. Can't cook the baby anymore! And it makes my boobies feel so much better. TMI? Tough.
9. Going to spend time with the family tonight for Dad's birthday, and introducing Mac to Great Grandma Evelyn for the first time.
10. Trevor.
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