Monday, January 25, 2010

So, Why the Blog?

Oh, what a marathon of a day. Mac woke up at 3 AM. You'd think the whole thing would make a baby nice and tired but that's not how it works. It makes them overtired and ornery. He wouldn't nap and he wouldn't go down until after 7PM tonight. He fought (bit, scratched, kicked, screamed) for four hours before succumbing to the land of nod. I won, but holy hell I'm tired. And homework rises in front of me like a mountain, a mountain for which I've been handed a plastic kiddy shovel and the instructions to move it by the end of the week.

Also, the depression meds, or absence of them, is kicking my butt. Nausea, lightheadedness, definite mood swings. With a rising level of fear I wonder if I have returned to the me of four months ago. But see I have this kind of armor now, built on the experience of being Mac's mom for six whole months, plus the endorphins from getting back to the gym. I will survive, hopefully without too much trauma-drama.

Also, Trev's been working double shifts since before Christmas. I miss him. He's really, really good at the husband and father stuff. So, bad day in a hard week in a tough month, and not the time to get any level of criticism about this blog. It was well intended, delivered face-to-face and meant as loving concern, all things I appreciate. But... just not good timing. After stewing about it for awhile, I realized there are some good questions I think it might be time to address.

(pause for a second to note that I made the best whole grain pecan-apple-banana muffins. Added a little butter, and I'm having a moment of heaven right now)

The concern is that I'm getting a bit too personal on this blog. Well, it wasn't worded that way; I was asked if I think I'm getting too personal on this blog. Since I wrote my posts without hesitation, obviously I didn't think they were too personal. The ones that went too far for my comfort never made it to the 'publish post' stage. But still, the question got me thinking about this space and its effect on people. Why am I doing this?

I started it when Trev and I were living in Toronto in 2005. I worked alone at home three provinces away from everyone I knew and I felt like I needed to reach out somehow (honestly, had Facebook existed, this blog probably wouldn't). It was a way to tell some stories to the people that I missed so much. Also, I was about to lose my job. I needed to reassure myself that I still had some creative muscle.

I realized about two years in that it was also the only record I was keeping of my life, especially my life with Trevor. Now when I write, I have the distinct impression that I'm writing specifically to remember. And ever since Mac, I feel this need to leave my story in my own words for when I'm gone (one day hopefully a long, long time from now).

So why not just journal privately? Because I have boxes of paper journals started over my lifetime with the first page filled and nothing more. There's something about writing online to real people that makes me feel accountable, like I'm not just navel-gazing. I have a reason to craft a good story (and thank you for providing me with an audience).

But am I going too far with my material? Possibly. Am I bringing up things better left for coffee with my best friend and no one else? Maybe. And don't I worry that it could affect my job prospects in future? Ah, good point. But after thinking about it long and hard (over the head of a screaming child), here's what I think:
  1. I obviously don't write under my real name. There is some protection in that.
  2. I never write about my work until it's long over and no one can be adversely affected. It's one of my rules.
  3. I keep my sizable, dramatic family out of it except for passing mention when appropriate.
  4. If the health district won't hire a nurse because she openly talks about health issues like pregnancy, birth complications, depression and abortion then... it's not a health district for which I want to work. I will never claim to be better than the patients I serve. I'm confident someone somewhere will hire a qualified RN with personal experience.*

Plus, this blog represents maybe 50% of my actual story. There are things I won't talk about here because they affect too many other people. The stuff I tell you is stuff that I feel I own outright, and I really don't own that much.

Recently I've put myself out there more than ever before. It was a good experience for me; scary, revealing, kind of like being naked and splayed open in front of a room full of strangers (birth metaphor, anyone?). I believe that there is absolution in telling the truth and telling it openly to those whose opinion you care about. Far more effective than ten Hail Mary's, at least to me. And, it was some of the most challenging writing I've done in a long time.

I am not perfect and this here is my imperfect blog. I appreciate you stopping by, I love your comments. I may take a break for the next little while to recover from what I'm going through right now, and to get some homework done. But I'll probably be back.

~ Working From Home Today

* I want to clarify that I believe a nurse is a professional first. I'm saying if the situation warranted it, and it were appropriate, I would not have a problem sharing a little about myself.

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Marital Conversations

WORKING: I can't believe 3AM is the new wake up time.
TREV: I know.
WORKING: And you know how I thought he just puked in the middle of the bed?
TREV: There were others?
WORKING: Yup. He pretty much nailed 75% of all sleepable space.
TREV: Damn.
WORKING: He's lucky he's so cute.
TREV: It's what prevents us from throwing him into a snowbank. It's his superpower. He projects a protective force field of cuteness.
WORKING: Still... snowbank... tempting.

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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Withdrawal

DAY ONE
I feel pretty good.
I feel better than good!
This is kind of easy, actually. I'm so glad I went off the happy pills. Soooo the right decision (pat on back).

DAY TWO
Oh my god I still feel good and there's a lot to do today HEY! Let's totally go to CrossFit -
Honey, it's a green light. You can go.
- oh right ha and really that's the workout? Yikes. Oooh, head rush!
You were saying?
It's so funny I can't remember ha ha I lost my train of thought oh wow these pushups really are tough but at least I don't feel so woozy yeah working out really helps hey wanna stop by Ukr. Coop Peavey Mart Old Fashioned Foods-
Honey, it's a green light again. You can go!
- oh right ha and maybe endorphins are replacing the hormones in my head and everything's going to be just fine mmmmm more cupcakes -
Wrong lane! Wrong lane!! You're driving into oncoming traffic!
- oh whoops ha ha what was I saying I can't remember but maybe you should drive for the rest of the night POP POP!!! Ow. That was my brain.

DAY THREE
No sleep.
Sick. Throw up?
No. Eat something. No.
Exercise. Shovel? Still blizzarding, pointless.
I can't find my cell phone.
I can't find my thyroid pills.
I can't find.... What was I looking for?
Feed the dog. Dog was fed? No yes no.
Eyes won't focus. Head spacey.

Mac, are you feeling this too?

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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Baby Stuff Reviewed

My friends made up similar lists and they were so helpful when I was buying stuff. Of course this is completely subjective. Some things worked for me purely for seasonal reasons, or Mac's preference (voiced loudly and clearly). And many things I wouldn't say I needed, but just used more than I thought.

Surprisingly Worth It
- He loved it. Sometimes when he was screaming, all it took was a soak in the tub to calm him down. I was sad to put it away.
- Mac was born in the summer and regular swaddling blankets were just too heavy. These worked a treat. Light, breathable and extremely wrap-able, he loved them. Also, you don't have to worry about the baby getting smothered, they're easy to pack in the diaper bag, and not bad for cleaning up messes.We're currently trying to convince him to use them as his blankies because we have so many.
- They fit the Medela pump I have, so all of the other brands of bottles I'd so carefully selected just ended up in the give-away bag.
- Our house is freezing cold in the winter, especially in our drafty upstairs bedrooms. This is a blanket he can't kick off. Also, he doesn't know he can roll when he's wearing it so he's safer on our bed. Don't waste your money on the smaller sizes - you can just swaddle them at younger ages. The 6-18 month GroBag is obviously more worthy of the investment.
Receiving Blankets
- Easy to grab, can hang over any surface within arm's reach, quick to wash and dry, useful for any mess.
- Not a great website, but you get the idea. You put banana or avocado or other cooked veg into the mesh bag that screws onto the rattle-inspired handle and the baby sucks and chews on it. It prevents them from getting any lumps. Frozen banana is particularly good for teething.
- This isn't the one I have but presumably anything will work. These little LED lights are good to have on the bedside table for the middle-of-the-night stumble to the crib, or feeding, or blanket readjustment, or diaper change. Not bright enough to wake the kid up completely, portable so you can find whatever it is that just rolled under the bed, and not a bad little reading light, too. Also, good toy / distraction for 4AM.
- Yet another cheap piece of plastic crap for the counter. But there's nothing like it for heating a bottle or a jar of baby food really quickly and with no hassle. I can do it with one hand, too. Not always consistent with temperature, so food still needs a check. But better than the microwave (hot spots) or the stove (effort and dishes).
Thick Socks
- He can't walk and Robeez are hard to wrestle onto him at this stage, so I just use socks around the house. I can never have enough socks for him.
- Bought it to use in the bed but never did. It's way too hard and cumbersome. It's like sleeping up against a wall. So one day we put it on the change table and it stayed there. It's lined with vinyl for easy clean-ups and the hard sides mean that even at six months and rolling, he can't go anywhere easily. I still don't leave him alone in it, but at least I can turn away to grab a change of clothes.
- They gotta sit back there and if you're driving alone, you want to be able to see if that sound is they're making or not making actually requires you to pull over. We bought a small el-cheapo one from the drug store, only even in our tiny car I couldn't see him in it. These big ones are worth the expense.
Cloth Diapers
- Even though I don't use them, they're handy to have around. I often line the crib with them for extra absorbancy in case of explosion, or I put them under him during 'naked time'. Also handy to grab in a pinch for less, er, manageable spills.
- I couldn't find the actual brand I have - I think they're locally made - but you get the idea from this. In winter when you're stepping out, these keep the feet warm and they're big enough to get on relatively quickly and easily (compared to Robeez, which are probably better for walking stage). The ties at the ankles are the most helpful feature as Mac is constantly kicking off his socks. The ties keep everything on.
- This hasn't changed since I was a kid. Toss a little big people food in there, grind it up, insert in baby's mouth, watch for fun reactions.
- So far the most helpful and applicable book, especially for early days. Short, easy, well organized, quick read, good for the sleep deprived. The theory still applies, too. Mac is still on a 90 / 180-minute sleep cycle. I can predict his naps to the minute, sometimes.
First Aid / CPR
- I had to take this for my Nursing program, but it's been surprisingly helpful in giving me confidence. We've already come close to needing it a few times.
- I used to think they were something only hippy-granola-natural-birth moms would use. Wrong. And if I do this again, I would hire them again. I don't care how prepared I was; it didn't matter in the moment. My labour was so long and my doulas were invaluable. Not only did they give Trevor a chance for rest, but they helped us with the tough decisions.
- There's nothing worse than being horribly sleep deprived, recovering from birth / c-section, and having problems with breast feeding. It's pretty much a whole world of suck (pun intended). A good lactation consultant comforted me, refocused me and helped me figure things out. If I'd had regular problems, she'd have helped fix it lickety-split. I didn't have regular problems, but still worth the money.
Yeah, cameras with the bells and whistles take better pictures. But he's doing that cute thing RIGHT NOW and only for the next few seconds! Don't have to find the camera bag, don't have to fiddle with lenses, just grab the bloody thing and click away. Few minutes later and it's on Facebook for Grandmas and Grandpas. Throw it in your purse / jacket pocket for future photo opportunities.

Things I'm Glad We Borrowed Rather Than Bought
Sling
- I wanted one of those posh, expensive, pretty wraps. Luckily I was able to borrow one from a friend because it turned out I didn't use it as much as I'd imagined I would. A hand-me-down padded ring sling worked proved better for winter, much easier to get him in and out of (even over my winter coat and him in his snowsuit and so on), and the padding was easier on my shoulder as he got bigger. He also preferred being less confined, though I think if I'd have fought him more he'd have gotten used to the wrap eventually.
- Swings can be pricey and he hated it, so I'm glad I got to borrow it instead of committing to the money (and the loss of space). Bouncy chairs are handy for the infant stage; keeps 'em in one place and you can perch them where they can see you. Plus they still care about dangly things and you can even make your own to hang off of the bar. We now use a rocker and he likes to sit in the bathroom with me when I'm in the tub. Handy for keeping him in sight but confined. He prefers kitchen tools to dangly toys, which seem kind of wasted at this age.
- I never would have bought this. But now that we've borrowed it, I'm kind of sold on it. It collapses for easy storage and travel, and it sets up anywhere. Sure the doorway ones take up less space (this one is a space hog when set up. Not for petit houses), but with our unfinished doorways, it kind of works.
Baby Clothes
- I make an effort to dress him when we go out, but around the house it's onsies, sleepers or his birthday suit. Honestly, I've made do with no more than two pairs of pants or a couple of shirts / sweaters at any given stage. He wears an outfit a couple of times and then suddenly it's too tight around the diaper area or wrists and into the give-away bag it goes. So I'm grateful that I've never really had to buy clothes for him - we got a ton of hand-me-downs. I've long since passed them on, but if we do this again, people are always selling bags and bags of barely worn clothes for cheap on Used Regina.

I Swore I Wouldn't...
- Well, you try not sleeping for six months. Yeah. A little screaming doesn't seem so bad.
Baby Drugs
- ibuprofen, acetaminophen; sometimes there's just nothing else you can do. As a friend said, if your teeth were jamming their way up through your gums, wouldn't you take something? Note: The syringe is waaaaaay better than the useless dropper for measuring. I got a syringe with one brand and just use it for the others.
Disposable Diapers
- Look, I tried cloth and he'd get this horrible rash every time, even if he just wore it for an hour or so. We tried different soap, extra rinses, stripping (using something like OxyClean to get the detergent and stuff out), and we tried every cream available, including prescription. Nothing worked. So I tried expensive organic unbleached cotton disposables, multiple brands, and ended up spending a lot of money, doing a lot of laundry and changing multiple diapers at night, which would wake him up, etc., etc.. Unfortunately, nothing holds like your standard name brand, "12-hour dryness protection" disposable. I still hate the cost, their environmental impact and the chemical load on his skin, so I compromise by keeping him naked most of the day. It's the best I can do.
Wet Wipes
- I usually just take him to the sink to hose him off. But at night, when I'm upstairs, these mean I don't have to run downstairs. Also good for any quick cleanups that require a little dampness.
Crib
- I really didn't want the extra furniture. I thought I would use a playpen, but when I started pricing everything out and checking on safety ratings 'n such, the crib just made more sense, especially bought used (but still to code of course).
- For me, obviously. The medication does pass through breast milk and that worried me to no end, but two different doctors put it to me the same way: if the benefits of being on meds outweigh the harm your depression is doing to your relationship with your baby, then it's time to consider it. I'm glad I did.

Didn't Need / Use
- A million onesies. They only fit for a few months and you find you have the same four or five in rotation anyway.
- Big fancy diaper bag. I worried about this when he was born - oh-my-god-I-don't-have-one - but found my ugly old backpack far more functional in the end anyway.
- The raspberry teether. Some people swear by this, but he just isn't into it. Still, it's inexpensive so no harm in experimenting.
- I always thought these were such a great idea, but I never had 'em and never would have used them if I did. Oh well, he peed on himself. Grab a receiving blanket. He rarely peed upwards anyway. I think he nailed Trev's mouth, like, once.
- While I'm sure some books are better than others, I found that the Internet is waaaay faster and better, more comprehensive and of course, regularly updated. You're participating in more of a conversation, too. There are certain sites that I keep going back to. (Oh, this one too)

Didn't Use But Would Probably Recommend
- I thought these were overkill worthy of some serious eye-rolling (sorry C. and B.). We just have a regular audio monitor (hand me down! Seriously, we are so lucky) and while it works, I sometimes still have to run upstairs to see what he's doing. Is he really waking up or just transitioning (if I can get him just as he's waking up, sometimes I can get him back down)? Is he chewing or choking? I can't hear him at all, is he still breathing (and yes, I have wondered this many times)? And what the hell is the cat doing up there? Problem: it takes a whole lot of noise on our horrible, squeaky, 60+ year-old fir floors to check on him and I wake him up more often than not. It's too late to bother investing in a video monitor. We're probably just going to screw the floorboards down. Still, I would get one next time.

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Monday, January 18, 2010

Drugs: The Next Chapter

To do Dr. GP justice, picture a woman of middle eastern descent sporting a hijab, an efficient manner, and a slightly stern expression (but quick to smile).

DR. GP: Macklin looks like he's putting on weight nicely. But let's start with you. Why are you here?
WORKING: I want to come off of my depression medication.
DR. GP: What are you on?
WORKING: P----.
DR. GP: Who put you on that?!
WORKING: Dr.... what's-his-name. I can't remember his name. Over at Mental Health. The Psychiatrist.
DR. GP: Oh right. And why do you want to come off?
WORKING: Well, the cost is one thing and I'm a student and also I'm still concerned about it going to Mac through my milk and I don't like the side effects when I forget to take it and plus I'm feeling pretty good and while I know that's the drug talking, I really, really feel ready to try this on my own and I've decided to put the money towards therapy because Mental Health says it could be a year before they can get me into Cognitive Behavior Therapy and I talked to my husband and we decided that if we see any signs of relapse that I'll come back to you and go back on the drugs so I won't let it get bad as last time. (inhale) I really don't want it to get as bad as last time.
DR. GP: Well, I don't know why he put you on P-----. It's not covered on any plan in this province and it's extremely expensive.
WORKING: He gave me samples.
DR. GP: For how long?
WORKING: Three, maybe four months?
DR. GP: It takes six months to work fully, so what after that?
WORKING: Umm... I guess I pay.
DR. GP: Right, you pay a lot. That's why the drug companies give us these samples to give out, so we give them out and then you can't switch and you have to pay. Okay, I understand that you want to come off your medication. That is your decision. But I will warn you that the hormones haven't changed. You will relapse and it will be quite severe. You will be crying and mood swings and all of that all over again.
WORKING: Oh.
DR. GP: It could be just like before.
WORKING: Okay. But then I can just come back to you -
DR. GP: And then I will put you on something cheaper. I mean, we should find something that is right for you but you also can't be paying so much for this P---- stuff.
WORKING: True. Also, we've been maybe possibly BIG MAYBE thinking of trying for another kid.* I don't want this stuff anywhere near my system if that should happen.
DR. GP: I wouldn't want you to be on P-----, but there are things you can take while you're pregnant. Like maybe Z----. But anyway, do you think that pregnancy is a good idea? With your studies and already a young child? That could make things very bad for your depression. Is it a good time?
WORKING: No, I guess not.
DR. GP: Right.
WORKING: I mean, yes! It is a good time. I'm a student but at least I'm mostly at home. Look, regardless, I just feel like I need to try something more substantial for my depression, like therapy. I need something more permanent. I have a support system, I'll get the therapist. I just know I can do this. I've done it before.
DR. GP: Okay, as I said it's your choice. I know your school will cover some of the therapy so I will write you a prescription. Also, it is VERY important to become very physically active while you do this. It will be very crucial to handling the depression.
WORKING: D'oh.

(CrossFit, here I come. No more excuses, I guess!)

*To our respective families: we change our minds daily about having another kid. I brought it up as a hypothetical for health reasons. At this stage, there's still a very good chance that Mac will be our only (non-sleeping) child.**
**To my readers, it's not that our families pressure us at all. They don't. It's just that I feel like I should have a disclaimer so that we don't disappoint them too much when we decide to adopt from the Humane Society instead.

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Friday, January 15, 2010

Dear Mac: Six Months Old

Doodles, we just had the worst fight of your young life and it's my fault. I've taught you to fall asleep on the boob and now that's the only way you know how . But tonight you've already woken up four times and it isn't even 10 PM yet. After rocking you, Trevor always comes back down drenched in sweat because you won't go down for him unless he does deep knee squats (done to CrossFit form, 'natch). And me, my boobs hurt and my voice gets all scratchy from humming and I get a little bit dizzy from the constant back-and-forth. But the worst part of it is that you just aren't getting enough good quality rest. I know you aren't.

So for some reason tonight was the night. The last time you woke up, I went up but I refused to pick you up. I hummed our song and rocked in the rocking chair beside your crib, just within arm's length so I could stroke your hair head. Overall it was quite the precious maternal scene, only you didn't appreciate it. 40 straight minutes of rage. Eventually you fell asleep, but holy cow, I almost gave up so many times. The thing is, by six months I know you pretty well and I could tell you weren't scared or traumatized, you were just mad. Pure, stubborn rage. I have the scratch marks on my arms to prove it (oh, and a bleeding gash I just noticed. Nice. Now I don't feel so bad).

You are six months old. Half a year. I love you at six months. You're so interested in everything. You're not crawling yet so you get bored easily and I have to change up the scene a lot to keep you content. Expensive toys will be wasted on you, I can already tell. You'd rather get over to that bookshelf or the stereo....

- You're experimenting more with solid food, though reluctantly. Today you put on a show for the family at brunch. I gave you bits of different food from the table and you provided a review with your face. For some reason squash got the best reaction, with all the gagging and drooling (you'd just inhaled bits of breakfast sausage no problem, so it wasn't the texture).

- You snore. I just thought you should know.

- I would describe what you did to our bed last night (I had the diaper right there!) but I want to keep my readership.

- You like to go outside. You like to watch other kids playing, especially your cousin.

- You have the best conversations with your dad. You save all of your new 'words' for him. I understand; your dad is pretty entertaining.

- You had your first long road trip to Kamsack at Christmas and then Winnipeg for New Year's. You only screamed part of the way. You also slept better in both places. I wanna know why, but you're not giving up any clues. All I can think is that all of the extra people wore you out? I was eating more sugar, so maybe it was just crashes?

- Your dad and I have often said how we just want to eat parts of your chubby little body. Devour them. This would be disturbing if we weren't your parents, who are so understandably enraptured with every generous crease and fold of you. And there's a lot to love. As a friend recently said to you, "those wrists are trying to eat those hands!"

- My favourite, absolute favourite moment, is when I hear you wake up from a really good, long nap. You often nap in our bed. I slowly peek around the door and you're already looking for me, already grinning. You totally know the game. I pounce on the bed, you kick and thrash your way out from under the covers, every visible inch of you beaming, from your eyes to your dimples to your big, huge smile. And we sit and cuddle and and chat for a bit, then we get up and you have to examine the light switch very seriously. Then we talk to Charlie and you touch her ears. Then we look out the window on the landing to see if birds are using the feeder yet (they aren't). And then we head downstairs for the next big adventure, which will likely involve either your snowsuit or your birthday suit. One you love, the other you hate. Two guesses which.

- You love when I read to you at the end of the day. You don't look at the pictures, you look at me and laugh and laugh. You especially love Robert Munsch because of the funny voices. But this is the book that I use as your goodnight book. It's beautiful, just like you.

Oh my love, my little Doodles, my bright-eyed little handful. What a ride.
XOXOXOXOX

Love,
Mommy

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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

En Francais

"Hello?"
"Hello. Can I please speak to Trevor?" It's a guy with thick Quebecois accent.
"He's not at home. He's at work. Can I take a message?" What the hell?!? Am I actually talking with a French accent?
"Can I leave a message?"
"Of course! Let me just get a pen." Again! Cut it out! "Go ahead."
"If you could please have him call Michel...."
"Actually," Great. Now I sound like I'm trying NOT to speak with a French accent, "he has a cell phone. Do you have the number?" Better, better. Hold it steady....
"Is it xxx-xxxx?"
"Non, that's actually my cell number," crap. "His is xxx-xxxx."
"Okay, thank you."
"Pas de probleme." So. Embarrassed.

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Thursday, January 07, 2010

SleeeeezzzzZZZZZzzzzeeep

Ow, ow, ow! I sat on my foot for probably 40 minutes straight and it fell asleep - very asleep - and I only realized when the phone rang and I had to fight through that horrible feeling to find the phone, only I tripped on the highchair, pulling the highchair table off in the process, which landed on said foot, and so on.

It's a gong show around here. I blame it on sleep deprivation, which also accounts for my scarfing of every last cookie, candy or bit of chocolate in the house. I'm just trying to function. Sugar makes that happen.

I watched a video online about "contented baby sleep" that insists condescendingly that a baby should be capable of sleeping through the night by six months and all you need to do is blah-blah-blah. Something about her delivery makes me want to punch her in the face (again, could be sleep deprivation).

Obviously Mac is NOT sleeping through the night. He hasn't since that golden age of two months old. He's not up every hour, sure (shout out to my friends who are going through that difficult 4-month every-hour-on-the-hour phase. Ouch). But he's up pretty consistently throughout the night. I'm grateful it's not for long stretches. Well, that is until 5 AM. 5 AM is the new Happy Wake Up Fun-Fun Time!! But it's just consistent enough that I don't really get a deep sleep. And eight separate naps don't equal a full night's sleep.

I look forward, so forward, to the day that I can post OMG, HE SLEPT FOR EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT AND I'M SO WONDERFULLY RESTED NOW LET'S GO LEARN SOME ANATOMY!!!!

Today is not the day.

Mistakes I may or may not have made recently:
- nursing him to sleep when he goes to bed
- nursing him to sleep when he wakes up
- nursing him in the hopes that he will sleep, even when he's wide awake.

I'm a one-trick pony these days.

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Tuesday, January 05, 2010

2010

Everyone is suffering from Christmas / New Years overload by this point, so I won't dwell, except to say that family made it special. And Mac is a nice addition to said family.

In other news, I have 10 chapters of Anatomy to cover in the next three weeks. It's a nearly impossible goal and one I could probably get out of if I really wanted to. It's tempting to call the testing centre and plead, oh I don't know, H1N1. But I've always worked best under pressure and I just want this class to be over and so it's tally ho.

Besides, I think harsh discipline is a nice antidote for the indulgence of December (and I indulged. Oh boy). I'm reformed, a nose to the grindstone kind of girl now. Here's to the goals of 2010: passing my classes, getting some sleep, taking more pictures and maybe having a little fun once in awhile.

Cheers.

p.s. Mac likes to latch onto whatever part of me he can reach when I'm putting him to sleep. Usually it's the inside of my arm. I let him because, frankly, I'll do anything now to get him to sleep. But I just noticed a huge hickey on my chin. Right there for the world to see, can't cover it up. I look like I got all kissey-face with the vacuum cleaner. Time to put a stop to it, y'think?
p.p.s. Dammit! As soon as I wrote about it, I completely forgot about it and went to the grocery store. With my hickey on my face.

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