Thursday, August 06, 2009


Holy cow, you people have been though some serious parental trauma (see comments). I guess I knew parenthood would be tough. You always hear it's tough. I was ready for tough. But I didn't know it could be worse than tough, that it could be traumatic. That it can do psychological and physical damage.

I grew up in a large family, the oldest of five kids. I remember my parents being tired and fed up, but I have a whole new respect for what they must have gone through. Mom used to take off for walks that'd last hours and hours and now I think I know why. As a person with a history of depression, I probably should have been more aware, more prepared. But it was so easy to be focused on the labour. I really didn't want to think about this part.

That said, I still have so much to be grateful for:
1. The way Mac looks at me after a feeding, like he's thinking really hard. Bright blue eyes wide open and focused, slightly confused, but intrigued all the same, maybe?
2. The way he loves Lamp. Lamp is his best friend. Lamp is actually just a standing lamp beside the change table, but I get to pee because of Lamp, so I also love Lamp.
3. His soft, milky breath on my face when he's sleeping beside me.
4. Nipple shields. I don't care about the controversy; my kid is still breastfeeding when I was getting so close to quitting the whole thing.
5. Despite my dips into depression and major anxiety, I've also had moments of calm this week, possibly thanks to a return to Reflexology treatments and walks out in the fresh air.
6. The Baby Mac Weight Loss Program. No substitute for Crossfit, but not bad in the interim.
7. The thought that I'm actually going to return to Crossfit one day, hopefully in the not-too-distant future. Working out is primarily how I've managed my depression drug-free. I'd love to keep it that way.
8. I've also returned to baths the way they're meant to be - hot. Can't cook the baby anymore! And it makes my boobies feel so much better. TMI? Tough.
9. Going to spend time with the family tonight for Dad's birthday, and introducing Mac to Great Grandma Evelyn for the first time.
10. Trevor.

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Blogger Naomi ~ 7:40 PM

We didn't have Lamp, but we had Mr. Crib Bar. He was fascinating.  

Blogger Aikaterina ~ 9:18 PM

That is a great list! Honestly I don't remember the first 3 months of my children's lives, because I choose to forget the trauma.  

Anonymous Anonymous ~ 10:05 PM

Honestly I blocked mine out too.
Good news... the memory usually fades with time only to find a few years until the next baby...then it's just different cuz your seasoned BUT KNOW each and every pregnancy, birth , baby and experience is completely different and when the new mother dust settles life is usually grand....and blink they are all grown up  

Blogger Momma Pants ~ 1:10 AM

I like how the only issue presented against shields is that they may "cause reduced milk intake and present a potential for reduced maternal milk supply and nipple damage with improper placement." What about reduced intake and supply because it hurts too bad to feed? And what about that damage caused by a baby who isn't latching properly for whatever reason? I swear that the shield taught Norah how to latch and is the only reason I am still breastfeeding (I was able to get rid of them all together after 3 months without any weaning issues). Plus, it helped with my overactive letdown and saved Norah from choking. I guess I just don't understand why they should only be used as an absolute last resort-- why do "experts" insist on driving women to insanity using fear tactics and emotive language rather than just letting them know their options and supporting them in their choices.

Sorry for the rant. I'm glad the shield is helping!  

Blogger Working From Home Today ~ 2:14 PM

Momma Pants, exactly. I'm glad you said that.  

Blogger Robin ~ 11:13 PM

I love #7 and #10. :)  

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