Thursday, February 25, 2010

Marital Conversations

WORKING: Doesn't he have the voice of an angel?
TREV: Yes. I should record it and play it as I fall asleep at night.
MAC: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!

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Growth Spurt

Mac has progressed so much in the last few weeks that I felt it deserved a special update. He took to crawling pretty quickly. Upside: he's less frustrated because he can explore on his own.

Downside: he has a passion for computer cables, power cords and the dog's water dish.

Upside: he's a lot more worn out come nap time.

Downside: he's a lot more wound up come night time. I swear he did flips for an hour before finally falling asleep last night. Then he resumed at 3AM.

Upside: he can go bug the dog now (she is thrilled about this).

Downside: he can come bug me, now. I now spend a good chunk of my day with a 7 month-old clinging to my pant leg and screeching (when I pick him up, he screeches to be put down, so I do, wash, rinse, repeat).

Upside: he can climb up onto his own bed now (futon).

Downside: getting off said bed? Face plant every time.

Upside: he can pull himself to standing! So cute!

Downside: he can pull himself to standing. The days of leaving my coffee on the coffee table, or anything on anything, are coming to an end.

Upside: Crawling distracts him from his teething woes.

Downside: One way it distracts him is that he can sneak up on me by crawling under the table and chomp on my toes. It freakin' hurts.

Upside: he can come to me to get a rice cookie.

Downside: he's under my feet when I accidentally drop things, like icing sugar.


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Sunday, February 21, 2010

Overheard: Mac Talk

What We Hear:

MAC: (over baby monitor) Gah.


What He Actually Said

MAC: Hey! Can I get some help up here? I think I pooped in my pants! And out of my pants. And up my back. Maybe on my neck. And I think maybe a little on my face but I can't be sure. Hello doowwwwn theeeeere!!!!!!!

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Saturday, February 20, 2010

Damn Anglo Breasts

TREVOR: So, do you hate Lisa C. right now?
WORKING: Hate Lisa C.? Why?
TREVOR: Because she posted how much she's enjoying breast feeding, how well it's going.
WORKING: (snarls) A little. But she is Italian, isn't she?
TREVOR: What's that got to do with it?
WORKING: Well that one public health nurse told me that she found that fair-skinned women - women with freckles - typically have more painful experiences with breast feeding.
TREVOR: Oh right. That's so weird. I wonder what it is?
WORKING: We Anglo types have problematic tissue.
TREVOR: That reminds me of when I was traveling with so-and-so in Malaysia and he was so grumpy for days and days and finally I just asked, "dude, what's your problem?" and he said he had really bad crotch chafe. Discomfort makes Anglo-type people grumpy.
WORKING: Crotch chafe. Ouch.
TREVOR: So ever since then when white people are grumpy, I just think they probably have crotch chafe, or an ingrown hair or a hang nail -
WORKING: Or they're breast feeding.
TREVOR: Exactly.

* * *

TREVOR: He just rubbed his face.
WORKING: Okay.
TREVOR: He just yawned.
WORKING: Good.
TREVOR: And he's resting his head against me.
WORKING: So? What are you trying to say?
TREVOR: Just keeping you up to date on the bedtime situation. Keeping your breasts abreast, so to speak.

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Friday, February 19, 2010

The Return

Since going off of depression meds, I've written bitchy constructive letters of complaint to CBC, CIBC, my profs, CBC, Canadian Tire, and CBC. I even made the news in the GTA. I wish I could say my cranky activism is part of withdrawal, but it's probably my real personality reemerging.

Good or bad, it gets me free stuff. I got a $25 gift card from Canadian Tire. Still waiting on CIBC.

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Awake

It's five in the morning. I'm awake against my will. I refuse to indulge this kind of behavior, so Mac is playing on the floor beside me in the dark. Babies who wake up at 4:45 AM don't get lights.

It's not his fault four teeth are trying to come through at the same time. It's not his fault rice cereal gives him gas. It's not his fault that I have a month's worth of homework that needs doing and a house that needs cleaning and a gym that needs Crossfitting and, one again, I won't have the energy to accomplish any of it. And it's not his fault that when he eventually does go back to sleep, I will lay in the dark staring at the ceiling.

But I still resent him. There, I said it.

A friend posted that her just-turned-one year-old slept for twelve hours. I don't know if I can do five more months of this. Oh, and time's already up; I have to cut this short because babies who don't go to bed until 10PM and wake up at 4:45 AM aren't particularly happy babies. Part of me wants to let him holler so that his dad feels some of my pain, but the good wife part of me knows that Trev is working a double shift today. And if I'm good to him today, he'll be good to me tomorrow (Saturday!).

ALRIGHT! I'M COMING ALREADY!!

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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

My big baby did this to me...

ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouchouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch deQuervain's Tendonitis ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouchouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch (but still not as bad as mastitis) (or vasospasms) (or breast feeding months 1-3) (or labour) (or c-section recovery)

Aw, never mind.

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Monday, February 15, 2010

Dear Mac: Seven Months Old

Note: Thanks for coming back after my long'ish absence. I cheated a little on Blogger to see if my blog would work better in another place with more security controls, but after half a month I let my subscription lapse. I guess I'd rather restrict my topics than pay to have my blog restricted. No worries; I still have plenty to say that will fit well in this space. Trevor still says ridiculous hilarious things all the time. And Mac keeps growing up.

Mac, Macklin, Doodles, Booger. This month we've really noticed you're growing. Not just bigger, older. For one, you started crawling, if crawling means sticking your butt in the air on your tip-toes, swiveling your hips around, and plopping down a quarter of a foot from where you started. It gets you across a room, albeit slowly, so we'll call it crawling. Really it's more like you're trying to stand up.

Because you're moving, the jolly jumper is out. The exersaucer is so last week. The swing is gathering dust in the basement. Your favourite toys consist of maybe this toy train, my massager (which is always lying on the floor, and yes I do make sure to unplug it) and whatever I'm holding at any given moment. Pen, computer, textbook, dog brush, you name it. I usually just let you have it. I'm a - whatchamacallit - "free range" kind of parent. Prepare to walk yourself to kindergarten.

You have four teeth coming in on top. White, angry looking ridges that give you bright red cheeks and cause you to alternate between nursing and gnawing on my finger (better my finger). I hope they come through soon and then give us a break for awhile.

You are still not crazy about food. I've noticed it goes down better if I mix it with milk, but even still, lukewarm response at best. I predict you're going to skip baby food and crawling altogether. One day you'll suddenly stand up, walk to the kitchen and grab an apple, maybe throw a pizza in the oven.

Sleep. Well, you've never once slept through the night, but maybe it's my fault for setting that as the standard from the start. I set us both up for failure. Let's say instead that you have good nights where you wake up maybe twice for feedings and go back to sleep right away and sleep in until 7AM, like last night, and bad nights where you wake up every hour and then up for good at 4AM. I haven't figured out what the key is. Teething? Growing? Ibuprofen vs. Acetaminophen? Anxiety about maxing our RRSP contributions this year? (we won't, if that relieves your mind)

One thing - we moved you to a futon on the floor of your very own room (after I broke the crib and then you pitched head first off of our bed onto the hardwood). This allows me to go to bed at my leisure and then join you later in the night. We have a nice cuddle, not bothered by your dad's insane work hours.

You've always loved the dog and this month maybe the dog has started showing signs of seeing you as more than just a loud, stinky, shrieking attention-sucker. Your auntie said that Charlie tried to get in between her and you when she was babysitting. I like to think Charlie was protecting you but it's probably more likely that Charlie thought you were hogging too much attention yet again.

Now, I don't mean to embarrass you son, but you have really, really bonded with your, um 'doover' as your dad calls it (that's what he and his brothers called it). When I leave you naked, which is often, you will spend a good chunk of your time, um, 'occupied' down there, staring off into space. It's so cute. It's like holding it helps you think. I believe in having a healthy relationship with all of your working parts, so have at it (don't make me regret that decision).

Later I'll probably remember a million other things I wanted to write down to remember this month, but for now this is you. Seven months. You are changing so quickly and we can sure see the little boy coming out in your features. You are such a thoughtful, observant kid, but also as stubborn as a bull, as strong as a bull, and sometimes just as graceful (your poor head). Your smile lights up the room. Your laughter adds to the warmth of our house.

We sure do love you, kid.

Mommy

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CURRENT MOON