Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Deactivated

Why I deactivated my FB account. By Working From Home Today.

I blame President's Choice. I came across their brand of Kalamata olives and green olives stuffed with garlic and in this veritable olive wasteland, where the search is always on for the new "it will do," PC brand olives will certainly do. In fact, all things PC brand have made me happy lately. So what does a girl do when she finds a brand she appreciates? She 'likes' it on Facebook. And then she reads the comments. And then she gets riled by the idiots going off about boycotting PC because they sponsor Top Chef, which recently served horse meat and we all know that horses are distinctly different from any other animal on the planet because they are pets and companion animals and "they're sooo pretty!!!" And because the girl is in Sociology 210, she gets all sociological about it and tries to have a debate with said idiots about how do we pick and choose what animals get to die for the sake of our palates?

(the girl was me, in case it isn't clear)

What set me off especially was when one commenter finally wrote, "Working, please try to focus and don't try to speak for the good of humanity." After my head exploded and I picked the bits and pieces off the floor (it took awhile because some of my brain bits were stuck to cheerios and dog hair), I wrote one of those carefully crafted replies designed to make her look like the rabid dog in the face of my innocent, civilized debate. I decided to leave it at that. Except I couldn't. I went to bed thinking about it. I woke up thinking about it. I thought about it all day, when I really should have been listening to a Stats lecture. So why couldn't I let it go? A few preliminary conclusions:
  • I'm tired of being in fight mode on Facebook. I'm tired of always having an opinion when I'm not even sure my opinion is all that well thought out.
  • I am always sharing some article on Facebook. I barely even read them. I click, scan, "share." This is completely irresponsible, particularly when it comes to health articles, given my new future profession.
  • I am always checking Facebook. God forbid I have two minutes of brain idleness.
But worse, the realization that there is a constant stream of noise pouring into my head from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. I'm on Facebook. Or I'm turning on the radio, a podcast, Google Reader, a TV show, texting, e-reader book, audiobook, recorded class lecture or, on occasion, a real book. I could not pinpoint a single moment of quiet at any part of my day. In fact, just 45 minutes ago when I realized I forgot my iPod at home and would have to do the walk between schools with just the thoughts in my head, I actually panicked a little. That is pathetic.

But even more horrible, "just wait while mommy finishes typing up the cute thing you just did on FB. Hang on just a bit longer, gotta reply to this crucial comment... Oh, just onnnne moooore minute, someone posted this link.... See the funny video? Watch the funny video! Please hang on, honey. Just one more minute." Too busy sharing links about being a good mother to bother being any sort of a good mother.

Since "abandon ship," I've had a physical urge to check Facebook no less than 20 times a day, probably a lot more, which is telling. I punch it into my url bar before I'm even thinking. I miss being a part of the conversation but what I have to ask is, what conversation was I really a part of? What was I even contributing? How many days, hours, years of... what? I can't even really say improved friendships; we still never see each other. Definitely no sort of creative accomplishment, either.

So begins my experiment. What will happen now that I've bought back some time for my brain? Imagine that. Time just to be... bored. Bored in the small, enclosed space of my actual life.

Meanwhile, this says it all so much more eloquently than I do (in fact, I probably should have lead with it and skipped the rest). (via Schmutzie)

posted by Working From Home Today
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3 comments:

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I've decided to read Merlin Mann's article every week until I fully remember to do and be better, too.  


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