Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Scrub-a-dub-rip off.
I've been feeling a little pummeled these days. My Anatomy final looms (one week!). Despite studying my arse off, I only managed a mediocre mark on the last midterm and it's taken me awhile to work myself up to being grateful for that mediocre mark. My sister reminds me that her hardest fought marks were her most celebrated. It's not the number, it's the effort. My goal is to pass the course; I'll probably learn so much more and so much better in actual practice (during my continued studies. Don't worry, I'm not hoping I'll 'catch on' as a practicing nurse).
So with this final looming, great time to have a television crew take over our house for two days, right? Right. Someone needs to sit me down and explain to me the implications of the decisions I make before I make them, possibly throw a glass of cold water in my face to drive it home. Because in addition to the looming final, we just poured our basement, we're throwing a "We Survived the First Year / Happy Birthday Mac" party on the weekend, and... what else? I'm forgetting something. Which is probably not good. On top of that important thing I'm forgetting, our dryer's been broken for two weeks.
But never mind; we are committed. So after significant freaking out on my part, I came up with the idea to use some of the fee we'll be getting from the filming to hire cleaners. Kind of like an investment. I pictured a team of pros coming in and showing me how it's done. Mary Poppins with dusters! My house would be sparkly and I would be happy!
If only I didn't have the unfortunate luck to have my call returned by a woman I will hereby call The Evil Witch. The company was from the phone book and looked all legit, but she seemed to be calling from a Phoenix number. We'll call that Clue # 1. I described my house and how I wanted a deep clean in the kitchen and a surface clean on the rest of it. She said no problem, she guessed it should take about four hours at $45/hour. A little steep, I thought, but maybe it's better to pay for pros?
Ha.
Ha, ha.
Ha, ha, $%*@$%#&$ ha.
After two hours, the 'professional' powerhouse team of two twenty-somethings gossiped and chit-chatted their way through two cupboards. TWO. CUPBOARDS. At one point they paused and took, and I do not exaggerate, 20 minutes to up-sell me on getting my carpet steam cleaned. I was actually going to go for it but it took so much bloody time to arrange - "who's going to do it? I can't do it. My baby's at my mother-in-law's. Is she coming? Who's coming? What do they want done? Let me call the boss again. I don't know if she's coming" - that I was ready to say screw the whole thing. And I looked at my kitchen, now two hours in and only a tenth cleaned, and started to panic. "Don't worry," the girl said, "we'll get it all done."
Uh huh. Six woman-hours later, and approximately $300, I had two clean cupboards and some mopped floors. Entire countertops still had a layer of cement dust on them. The upstairs hadn't even been vacuumed. The bathroom floor, which had been mopped, was streaked with debris. In short, they accomplished what I could have in maybe an hour and a half on my own.
But they did have matching t-shirts. Totally pro!
I got them out of my house as quickly as possible. Then I called The Evil Witch. I was shaking and on the verge of tears. She told me the girls had called her to complain that the job was a lot harder because, and I have trouble typing this, my house was so dirty. My. House. Was. Too. Dirty.
1. Trevor and I got up ridiculously early and virtually ignored our son for three hours on a Saturday to tidy the entire house so that there was nothing in their way. All they had to do was wash / vacuum surfaces. 2. We've just gone through a month of home renovation so yes, there was construction dust in the nooks and crannies.3. I'm a full-time student and mother. I admit, sometimes I don't get to the tops of my cupboards.4. Wait a sec, I HIRED YOU TO CLEAN. You want I should have my house cleaned before you come to clean?!5. And finally, fuck you very much.
Anyway, The Evil Witch now refuses to return our calls. I felt so incredibly insulted, so terribly ripped off that I've actually had what I like to call "obsessive insomnia", where I lay awake for the next few nights thinking of things I should have said, could have said, could have done if I could do it over again.
But the upside is that I did get my sparkling clean house, thanks to me, my husband and my sister and a patient little boy who, thank God, enjoys playing with brooms and mops.
The TV crew will be finished by tomorrow afternoon. Our party will be a meaningful celebration for our little family. The dryer will get fixed. Trevor has mornings off next week so I'll have time to study and I will pass this class. So maybe I can start to breathe, again?
Just as soon as I find a daycare for the fall.
Ha.
Ha, ha.
Ha, ha, $%*@$%#&$ ha.
Anyway, The Evil Witch now refuses to return our calls. I felt so incredibly insulted, so terribly ripped off that I've actually had what I like to call "obsessive insomnia", where I lay awake for the next few nights thinking of things I should have said, could have said, could have done if I could do it over again.
The TV crew will be finished by tomorrow afternoon. Our party will be a meaningful celebration for our little family. The dryer will get fixed. Trevor has mornings off next week so I'll have time to study and I will pass this class. So maybe I can start to breathe, again?
Just as soon as I find a daycare for the fall.
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