Saturday, December 12, 2009

Pills

I woke up in the middle of the night worrying that my blog isn't as interesting since I went on the 'happy pills'. Then Mac bit my boob with his two new chiclets. Instant distraction.

I had an appointment with the shrink yesterday for a prescription renewal. It was basically to check in. I had to admit that since going on the pills, I haven't had any lows. I've been pretty even. I feel normal. Which tempts me to think I can do this on my own....
"So when can I come off of them?"
"Well," he tapped his lip with his pen, "for people with more frequent episodes, sometimes they are on them for the rest of their lives. For people who just need to get over a hump, they can come off within the year."
"And me?"
"A few years at least."
"Oh."

I'm not sure how I feel about that. For one, I hate being dependent on any kind of medication. For another, it's bloody expensive and I'm a student. It's so tempting to think that if I could just do it on my own...
"What about Cognitive Behavior Therapy?"
He bent towards his desk and dug out a form from the disorganized mess, "It's a good idea. I can refer you, but they're so backed up. You probably won't even hear from them to make the appointment until the Spring, and then maybe your first appointment will be six months from there."
"Oh."
"Meanwhile, I'm going to put you on a new variation of your medication. It has the same metabolism. I can give you some samples, should help with the cost? I've never prescribed them before, so let me know at the next appointment how they work for you."
"Sure. When is the next available appointment?"
"May."
Five months. "Oh."

One day a few weeks ago I forgot to take my pills. That night, I had the most beautiful, lucid, multi-dimensional dreams I have ever had in my life. This makes me want to 1) forget to take them again and 2) worry obsessively about what these pills are doing to my brain.

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2 comments:

Anonymous James W. ~ 4:45 PM

That's a bit of a pickle.

Dr. James thinks you should try weening in a year at the most.  


Blogger Working From Home Today ~ 9:56 PM

Oh, weening ME off of them in a year. I was wondering what breastfeeding had to do with it.  


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