Monday, August 03, 2009

Dear Doula

Thanks for the links again. I have sent off an email to Dr. Newman.

I feel bad about our meeting. I couldn't even talk for fear of losing it. I guess this is me in mourning. I am really sad. Quite defeated, actually. I've been waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel to get brighter, and it just seems to stay the same distance away. It's like that movie Groundhog Day; I fight so hard to create a different outcome and I just keep getting the same result, day in and day out. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, but it's gotta be me.

I haven't had time to mourn, haven't had time to rest and heal. And meanwhile, there's this new little person who needs so much right now, all of the time. I'm absolutely terrified.

Well, thanks for coming by. I wish I could have been more positive. I had such a great attitude about pregnancy. But I'm sure that side of me will come back, given time.


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