Friday, July 24, 2009

GiST: ZZZzzzzZZZzzz

Holy cow. The last solid sleep I had was a nap on Monday, July 13th. It wasn't even such a great nap, but I'm sure thinking fondly of it now.

This thrush thing threw me for a loop. I have a good baby; he sleeps, eats and poops on a pretty standard schedule and I know I could adjust. But the breastfeeding experience has completely ruined everything. When I'm not bawling my eyes out from the pain of the actual feeding (and punching the headboard, kicking the wall and biting holes into my lips), I'm trying desperately to ignore the searing, shooting pain that dominates between feedings. My boobs virtually pulsate and there's nothing anyone can do to fix it.

So I'm miserable. But there are a few bright spots:

1. My mother-in-law has been an invaluable help. There is clean laundry and I've only had to change 1 out of every 2 diapers, maybe even less.
2. People have dropped off food, which is by far the best gift ever. From now on, when I have friends who give birth, I'm going to cook them something or order them take out. Staying well fed is so important when you're this defeated, but when you are this defeated, meals are just one more thing you don't have the energy to think about, never mind grocery shopping.
3. My boobs. I have nothing good to say about them right now. But I'll take this time to wish them luck, offer support (heh) and to pray that they heal quickly and thoroughly. Come on, ladies, we can do this.
4. I slept two hours in a row last night and it was just deep enough to have dream images. You know, no narrative, just images.
5. Despite the hell of his birth and of this breastfeeding experience, Mac continues to thrive. He dipped to 8lbs 14oz at his lowest. Yesterday the nurse weighed him at 9lbs 11 oz, meaning he gained an entire pound and surpassed his birth weight in less than four days.

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