Thursday, July 30, 2009

Dear Mack: Two Weeks Old

It's been a helluva ride so far. You are the single biggest challenge I've ever had in my whole life. I'm completely sleep deprived, sore all over, and once or twice a day I take a trip to the 'dark side', the place where I freak out over my choices and my very existence. It's loads of fun.

Look, I don't blame any of this on you. This is all my baggage. I just wasn't prepared. You're latching better, the thrush might actually be on its way out. And when you sleep, you sleep just fine. It's me who lies there, brain racing, panicking that I'm wasting yet another opportunity to catch some rest.

Meanwhile, you grow. Trev says you look bigger than you did this morning, even. You are more alert than ever, staring into my eyes, following them when I move my head. You like to stare at the pattern the blinds make, and the light beside your change table. You make the funniest faces, especially when you're just falling asleep. You sigh, coo and grunt and you make a sound that I swear is like a exclamation of surprise, too. All in your sleep. I wonder what you're dreaming?

Your dad is rocking you to sleep as I try to type this up as quickly as possible. You just grabbed a handful of his chest hair through his shirt and gave a good yank. He yelped and I laughed because you did the same to my poor boob this morning. You are so strong and extremely precise. It's like you know.

If he can get you to sleep, soon you and I will be curling up in bed again. I'm going to try to sleep this time. I'm going to try not to worry about school starting in less than a month, or the dog going in for surgery tomorrow.

All will be well. I swear it.

posted by Working From Home Today
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