Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Therapy

My impulse is to say that everything is better and ha ha, wasn’t that strange? So glad it’s over.

It’s not really over. But I do feel good today. And I felt good yesterday.

I spent the whole first session of therapy just giving biographical information. Just the facts. Mom estranged, Dad checked out, the woes of a complicated stepfamily. Oh, I suppose the inclusion of certain facts, the omission of others means I have a somewhat skewed perspective anyway.

Thing is, I think I wanted the therapist to judge my parents harshly. She reacted accordingly; lots of pursed lips and headshaking. Lots of note taking. I know she’s putting me on pills because of my family history. Because who could live through that and not be depressed?

The thing is, I don’t think that’s really the problem. I forgave, I created boundaries, I broke out of a mould or two and moved on, quite literally. What happened is that the remaining blank slate scared the shit out of me and I turtled.

The parents thing is a convenient excuse for when I want a professional to pat my hand and say there, there, here are some pills. Those mean people can't hurt you anymore.

I sense my higher self is getting impatient to the point of pissed off. So today I may give up the excuses, face myself in the mirror and admit my falsehoods.

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2 comments:

Anonymous tina ~ 1:13 PM

Last summer I went through the same thing.
I was having anxiety attacks, going to therapy sessions, taking anti-depressants all of that crap. I had a mid-life crisis at 30.
I'm better now, not great but better.
It's rough but it's worth it, trying to re-invent yourself.  


Blogger Working From Home Today ~ 4:51 PM

I hear you. I'm looking forward to the upswing.  


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