Monday, May 07, 2007
Plumber's Daughter
- Be seriously annoyed by dripping kitchen faucet.
- Look up “fix leaking tap” on Internet.
- Decide it looks like the “compression faucet” in the picture. Say “compression faucet” over and over because it sounds fun. “Compression faucet.” Totally fun!
- Get down on hands and knees. Realize there’s no freakin' under-sink shut off valve.
- Wander around the house looking for main shut off valve.
- Enthusiastically dismantle faucet.
- Race to basement to find hot water heater shut off valve.
- Fiddle around with faucet trying to get the freakin’ piece off the freakin’ other piece.
- Fiddle around with massive pipe wrench trying to get freakin’ connector pipes apart. Freakin’ rusted freakin’ nut thingy.
- Step back to assess. Water and parts everywhere. Still seems to be leaking but there are no other valves to shut off.
- Determine that a couple of washers have indeed loosened and rotted. Commend self for being so darned smart.
- Realize should have foreseen need for water. The dog looks thirsty. Seriously gotta hurry.
- Run to hardware store. Successfully choose the most stoned guy in the city to assist with complicated plumbing problem.
- Throw down words like “spout sleeve,” “retainer clip,” “vice grip,” and “plumber’s putty”. Stoner stares blankly.
- Stoner uses limited vocabulary to ask other guy about replacement part. Part doesn’t exist on this planet.
- 15 minutes later, emerge from store with $100 worth of parts, including brand new faucet.
- Return to slightly flooded kitchen. Hope there is such a thing as residual water pressure in pipes and that's all it is.
- Use awkward combination of vice grip, pipe wrench and scissors (and at one point, teeth) to separate old faucet from faucet cradle. Do a little dance that water pressure is low, so must therefore be residual. So smart!
- Run downstairs for flashlight. Discover water dripping into basement.
- Race around looking for towels.
- Consider leaving the whole mess for Trevor to fix tonight (Conveniently, I have to work)
- Decide there’s only going forward at this point.
- Successfully manage to secure new faucet using plumber’s tape, putty, vice grip, pipe wrench and scissors (and again, teeth),
- Try to clean excess putty squishing out from edges of faucet.
- Apply "DO NOT GET ON SKIN" type of silicon.
- Try to wipe putty from forehead, remembering too late about glob of silicon still on finger.
- Turn water back on.
- Pray.
- Activate faucet.
- Reward self with very, very large mug of tea. Make note to buy more band-aids.
posted by Working From Home Today
~ permalink ~ ~ social bookmark
|
4 comments:
|
CURRENT MOON