Monday, May 07, 2007

Plumber's Daughter

  1. Be seriously annoyed by dripping kitchen faucet.
  2. Look up “fix leaking tap” on Internet.
  3. Decide it looks like the “compression faucet” in the picture. Say “compression faucet” over and over because it sounds fun. “Compression faucet.” Totally fun!
  4. Get down on hands and knees. Realize there’s no freakin' under-sink shut off valve.
  5. Wander around the house looking for main shut off valve.
  6. Enthusiastically dismantle faucet.
  7. Race to basement to find hot water heater shut off valve.
  8. Fiddle around with faucet trying to get the freakin’ piece off the freakin’ other piece.
  9. Fiddle around with massive pipe wrench trying to get freakin’ connector pipes apart. Freakin’ rusted freakin’ nut thingy.
  10. Step back to assess. Water and parts everywhere. Still seems to be leaking but there are no other valves to shut off.
  11. Determine that a couple of washers have indeed loosened and rotted. Commend self for being so darned smart.
  12. Realize should have foreseen need for water. The dog looks thirsty. Seriously gotta hurry.
  13. Run to hardware store. Successfully choose the most stoned guy in the city to assist with complicated plumbing problem.
  14. Throw down words like “spout sleeve,” “retainer clip,” “vice grip,” and “plumber’s putty”. Stoner stares blankly.
  15. Stoner uses limited vocabulary to ask other guy about replacement part. Part doesn’t exist on this planet.
  16. 15 minutes later, emerge from store with $100 worth of parts, including brand new faucet.
  17. Return to slightly flooded kitchen. Hope there is such a thing as residual water pressure in pipes and that's all it is.
  18. Use awkward combination of vice grip, pipe wrench and scissors (and at one point, teeth) to separate old faucet from faucet cradle. Do a little dance that water pressure is low, so must therefore be residual. So smart!
  19. Run downstairs for flashlight. Discover water dripping into basement.
  20. Race around looking for towels.
  21. Consider leaving the whole mess for Trevor to fix tonight (Conveniently, I have to work)
  22. Decide there’s only going forward at this point.
  23. Successfully manage to secure new faucet using plumber’s tape, putty, vice grip, pipe wrench and scissors (and again, teeth),
  24. Try to clean excess putty squishing out from edges of faucet.
  25. Apply "DO NOT GET ON SKIN" type of silicon.
  26. Try to wipe putty from forehead, remembering too late about glob of silicon still on finger.
  27. Turn water back on.
  28. Pray.
  29. Activate faucet.
  30. Reward self with very, very large mug of tea. Make note to buy more band-aids.

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Blogger Chris ~ 12:56 AM

Good story - and good work! Makes you want to run out a buy a house, doesn't it? Maybe a house a bit closer to the 20 block of Pasqua Street, that is...  

Blogger Working From Home Today ~ 5:20 AM

Oh, most certainly. I took my dad for granted.  

Blogger Jenn ~ 10:01 AM

why didn't you call the freakin' landlord. Jeez.  

Blogger Working From Home Today ~ 10:12 AM

Um, yeah. That does seem like a good idea.

Unfortunately I'm my father's daughter in more ways than one, "this should be easy" being a lie I tell myself repeatedly.  

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