Saturday, December 16, 2006
League in Support of Fruitcake
Dear You (the World):
Okay, look. I have to break my silence. I’ve put up with this oppression for long enough and I can’t live with it anymore. Especially at this time of year.
WHAT THE HELL IS SO BAD ABOUT FRUITCAKE?
I happen to like fruitcake. I could even say I LOVE fruitcake. I have it every year. I’m happy to see it on store shelves, albeit in smaller supplies and varieties these days because of its undeserved reputation.
The darker varieties are less appealing, especially when they have crunchy raisin seeds in them or too many raisins at all. But I quite enjoy lighter varieties, especially my Mother-in-Law’s homemade version and I’m not just saying that to suck up (she’s stuck with me anyway).
So why do people hate it with such passion?
Here’s what I think (like you could be spared from what I think. This is my blog): It’s about word of mouth. It’s a cliché to hate fruitcake now. Every media personality is safe with a joke about the recycled fruitcake (safe and boring).
Second, it’s about the fruit. Fruit used to be a huge treat, especially in the winter. Now it’s a chore. And finding it in a cake makes eating cake feel like work.
Plus, we’ve gotten boring. Yeah, I said we! We are all addicted to processed sugar. Food dyes and machine-punched shapes create enough variety for our now boring palates, so long as it tastes like sugar. If you had a real chocolate bar, say a nice 70% cacao, there’s a chance you wouldn’t like it because it doesn’t taste like pure sugar (I sure don't). Sugar is what makes up the average bar. You can go ahead and feed a Kit-Kat to your dog – they’ll probably just catch a buzz. (DISCLAIMER: Do not feed any sort of chocolate bar to your dog, you moron. I'm just saying you probably don't have to freak out quite as much if 'poopser' breaks into your secret stash. I'm not a vet).
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know fruitcake is probably a whole lot of sugar and that’s probably why I like it. And the fruit is crystallized in sugar and blah-ditty-blah-blah. Shut up. I just like fruitcake and it adds a distinct flavour to Christmas that I hope doesn't die out.
Which is why as soon as this sucker’s posted, I’m off to find me one. You can't have any. Oh fine, but I get the piece with the most cherries.
Signed,
Working
posted by Working From Home Today
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