Monday, August 21, 2006

Dear Saskatchewan

Saskatchewan, we need to talk. Do you have a mo’? I heard through the grapevine that you want me back. Look, we broke up two and a half years ago. I’ve moved on. Don’t you think it’s time to let go?

Come on, Saskatchewan, it’s not you, it’s me. It just didn’t work out. I needed a change. I needed to move on.

Oh, forget what you’ve heard! I didn’t leave you for Toronto and screw those who say I did! I moved for Trevor, not Toronto. Only now I’m Trevor’s new girlfriend and Toronto’s like his best guy friend who doesn’t like me and we go out for beers and everything’s polite for the first two rounds but soon the hints start flying and I wanna leave and Trevor and I go to bed not talking. Meanwhile, Toronto slams me to all his other friends about what a controlling bitch I am. Toronto can be harsh, you know.

Not like you, Saskatchewan. You’re such a nice person. It’s just…. I mean, maybe you’re too nice. Maybe I need a little danger, a little excitement. Crack heads on subways, rude bus drivers, a few shootings here and there, shopping in Chinatown on a Saturday….

Oh come on, now, this has to stop! I know what you’re trying to do. You have my parents calling me telling me how beautiful the summer’s been, how cool the nights are. You even have my sister emailing me that she made a butt-load selling her house and saying how you can get a nice rental place for under $600 a month. And now these reports about too many jobs? How’s that supposed to make me feel?! Cease and desist, Saskatchewan.

Don't cry. You know you’re beautiful, Saskatchewan. You have a lot going for you. You were good to me for 28 years. We had a great run. Sometimes these things just happen. If you love someone, let them go free and if they return and blah-blah-blah.

Wait a sec, what do you mean, “A campaign by Saskatchewan to lure former residents back from Alberta appears to be hitting home.” Oh. I see. You were talking to Alberta this whole time. Why didn’t you just say that at the beginning? Why did you let me go on?

So you didn’t even want me. No, no, no, I understand. It’s the Ontario thing, isn’t it? Oh sure, Ontario has bling but you better believe I make my own decisions, Sasktachewan. I am not so easily seduced to the ‘dark side’. How dare you imply that I'm a lost cause by not even bothering to come after me? I’m so worth it, you know.

You know what? Forget it. Forget I called. It’s over. I know it’s over. Goodbye.

But if you’re ever in the neighbourhood…. Yes, fine, you can bring your stupid girlfriend, Alberta. Fine. I said FINE! I’ll be nice. I will so! Shut up!

Call me.

posted by Working From Home Today
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